Do you love yourself?
For most of us queer men, the honest answer is: No, not fully.
The Crucible is a mythosomatic journey where the shame you've been carrying is transmuted into the source of your power, your purpose, and a greater love for Self, others and life.
Shame thrives in secrecy.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
— Carl Jung
Shame hides in the body and subconscious mind. We hold it in clenched jaws, tense shoulders, a lump in the throat when trying to speak our truth… We experience it as fawning, overthinking, and nagging self doubt. Left untended, it subtly drives every decision we make.
For us queer men, shame can show up in different ways:
Performance anxiety, Perfectionism and body dysmorphia
Seeking external validation by, for example, pouring ourselves into a career or a relationship to the point of burn out or feeling used up
Internalized homophobia, wishing we weren’t this way, or hiding behind a mask of masculinity
Checking out with substances, scrolling, internet porn, and soul-less sex
People-pleasing, minimizing your needs, and muzzling your authentic self
Most of us were never taught how to face shame, so it runs our lives from the shadows. If nothing changes:
You keep seeking love outside yourself, conforming to others’ desires and expectations (sacrificing your authenticity)
True intimacy stays just out of reach, leaving you lonely (even among friends or with your partner)
Mental health erodes (studies show queer men have higher prevalence of depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, substance use disorders compared to heterosexual men)
“Traumatic symptoms are not caused by the event itself. They arise when residual energy from the experience is not discharged from the body. This energy remains trapped in the nervous system where it can wreak havoc on our bodies and minds.”
—Peter Levine, founder of Somatic Experiencing® (SE™), and author of Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma
There is another way.
The Crucible is a mytho-somatic initiation, meaning we work on both the level of the body (soma) and the level of the mind (mythos, the archetypal narratives we create to make sense of our lives). Together, we reclaim the wounds that have been buried in the shadows of shame, and transmute them into a source of power, meaning, and direction.
Through this work, you will:
Feel safe in your body: calm anxiety and tension rooted in shame.
Quiet the inner critic: shift from self-judgment to self-compassion.
Hold clear boundaries: say no without guilt, yes without self doubt.
Cultivate self-worth: stop settling for less in love, work, and life.
Trust yourself again: move through life with grounded confidence.
I know the terrain of shame intimately.
As a queer man, I lived most of my life in the grip of shame, and walked myself back out.
Now, as a facilitator and somatic practitioner, I help queer men alchemize shame into presence, power, and belonging. My approach is rooted in neurobiology, depth psychology, mindfulness, mythology, and real world results.
Training & background:
Certified in Somatic Breathwork (Soma+IQ™) and Yoga Instructor (RYT200)
Psychospiritual Hypnotherapy practitioner
Psychedelic facilitation training through MAPS & Johns Hopkins
Nearly a decade of guiding 1:1 immersions and group work in nature-based and ceremonial settings
This work isn’t about fixing what’s “broken.”
It’s about reclaiming all the parts of yourself that have been wounded, neglected, or forgotten, picking up those pieces and seeing their beauty, through all the struggle and pain they may have caused, to bring you back into wholeness, and re-write the controlling narrative of your life, from a place of power.
As your guide, I vow to meet you where you’re at, and tailor the elements and practices to your unique challenges.
~Jonathan
“My biggest “a ha!” moment was discovering how much I’ve abandoned myself by trying to please others constantly... even after years of self work. Through this mentorship, I’ve realized I can make small changes to start seeing the effects of self-love in the way I show up for myself and how I show up for others. The work resonated with me in a way I could understand and implement through daily action to build momentum in my journey. ”
How It Works
1. Map It
Identify your patterns, triggers, wounds, and stories that conspire to keep you stuck in shame cycles and self sabotage. We’ll locate where shame lives in your body and clarify what freedom looks like for you.
2. Rewire It
Through Somatic Breathwork, guided inquiry, mindfulness practice, journalwork, Soul Empowerment Therapy, and real-world reps, you’ll retrain your nervous system and rewrite your personal myth, from self-doubt to self compassion, and ultimately, Self Love.
3. Live It
Integrate the work into your life with simple practices, tools, and daily ritual, so Love—for self, other, and world—becomes your default state.
Self Love is your birthright.
But too often we block ourselves from it due to shame, childhood trauma, toxic past relationships, adolescent emotional woundings, and other energetic residue from our past.
This residue lives not only in our mind, but in the body too.
The Crucible works on the level of the mind and body—to clear these old stuck emotions and stories, and shift you into a state of choosing love and choosing your Self.
What clients are saying
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![A man with short brown hair and tattoos on his left arm, wearing a black t-shirt, smiling with arms crossed in a home kitchen or living area.]()
"I had never received coaching before, so there were many unknowns. I just knew I wanted to feel good in my body and in my life… I don't mean to sound extreme, but it changed my life. I learned what I value, how to balance structure with spontaneity, and how to love myself. I found out that loving myself is both an ambient state of being, and a collection of actions, and Jonathan helped guide me to a place of self-compassion and resilience that has permeated throughout all my experiences and relationships."
~Alex C, 33 • Dallas, TX
Insta: @alexander_the_pecibel -
![A man with dark hair and light beard sitting in a vehicle, wearing a red plaid shirt and a black puffer vest, with a seatbelt fastened across his chest, looking at the camera.]()
"I found myself in a stagnant place. I was feeling depressed, unmotivated, tired, and confused. It is hard to seek out help. It can make you feel vulnerable and weak, but Jonathan made me feel strong for taking that step. Because of that, I felt immediately comfortable with him, making it very easy to share my thoughts and feelings. He asked questions until he completely understood what I was going through… I felt he really cared about me and what I was going through. In working with Jonathan I was able to define specific and productive actions to implement traction. I started feeling energized and successful. More energy. More focus. More happiness.
Rick A • Brighton, CO
Insta: @rickarrick
Program & Tuition
The recommended pacing is to complete all sessions in 7-10 weeks, as your schedule allows.
Intake Session (:60) // The language of Self Love: Somatics and Self-talk
Intro (:60) // Overview, the Principles of Self Love, Somatic awareness practice
Cultivating Wholeness (:60) //the Four Facets of Self / Love, and the Inner Protectors
Somatic Breathwork Ceremony (:90) // Learn more about breathwork here
Shame Alchemy Session (:60)// together we bring light to the shadow of shame, opening mind & body to more love
Inner Critic + Self-Talk Work (:60)
Self Worth Workshop (:90) // a deep-dive on the mechanics of building Self Worth
Soul Empowerment Therapy (:90) // rewiring limiting beliefs around love and “enoughness” — Learn more here
Personal Mythwork (:90) // re-writing the guiding narrative of your life
Initiation, Integration & Embodiment Session (:60)
Plus:
Daily voice message support, by request/as needed (via Telegram app, available weekdays)
Guided meditations, breathing, and practices for nervous system regulation and cultivating Self-Compassion and Self Love
Educational resources, “homework” assignments, and interactive journalwork between sessions
Tuition
$3000 one-time payment*
*Access matters. If finances are the only barrier, email me with a short note about your situation; payment plans are always available, and a limited number of adjusted-rate spots are available each year
Open letter, from a recent client…
From Fear to Freedom: My Journey Through Jonathan’s Crucible Program
I was 18 in the 1980s, a young man living in fear. AIDS was emerging, society was judgmental, and my own family told me that if I lived openly as a gay man, it could end my life. They threatened me. The message was clear: survival meant hiding.
So that’s what I did. I accepted an arranged marriage, built a life on appearances, and buried my truth. I chose a path of hiding because I couldn’t cope with the reality of being myself openly. Internally, I carried grief, shame, and longing, while externally I followed the script expected of me. Even as AIDS claimed lives around me, I kept my heart locked away, convinced that survival required denial.
For decades, I lived like this, angry, cautious, and disconnected from myself. I couldn’t hold another man’s hand, kiss, or love freely. I couldn’t reconcile who I was with the life I was forced to live. It was a heavy, painful existence, and at times, it felt unbearable.
Then, in my late 50s, the universe guided me to Jonathan’s Crucible Program. I may have encountered this path years earlier, but I wasn’t ready then. Now, after decades of hiding, fear, and internal struggle, I was ready to face myself fully.
The Crucible helped me map my life honestly from my childhood to my marriage, my fears, my joys, and the moments of heartbreak. It invited me to descend inward, confront my soul, and uncover what was always natural and authentic: my right to love, my right to desire, my right to be fully seen.
Through Jonathan’s guidance, I began to step into freedom. I allowed myself to acknowledge desire and connection without shame. I imagined holding another man’s hand, kissing, and loving openly. I confronted the fear that had ruled my life for decades and started to reclaim it.
Jonathan’s Crucible Program is not just reflection, it is embodiment. It is courage. It is a pathway to finally living a life that aligns with who you truly are, even after decades of fear.
If you’ve ever lived in hiding, constrained by fear, family pressure, or societal expectation, this program offers a way to reclaim your truth. It helped me rewrite my story from hiding to being, from fear to love, and from surviving to truly living.
Thank you, Jonathan, for creating a space where I could finally meet myself fully, embrace my truth, and step into the life I was always meant to live.
With Gratitude Phil xo
—Phillip, Psychotherapist and Author
Completed The Crucible, Feb. 2026
Frequently Asked Questions
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The Crucible is not psychotherapy and Jonathan is not a licensed therapist. This is transformational coaching and somatic facilitation — we work with the body, the nervous system, and the stories you carry. Many clients do both therapy and this work simultaneously and find they complement each other beautifully.
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Most coaching works mindset, from the neck up. The Crucible works with your whole self — body, mind, and spirit. Shame doesn't live in your thoughts alone; it lives in your body, your breath, your posture, your nervous system. We go where the shame actually lives.
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Great — that means you're ready for this. Many clients come with years of therapy, meditation, or personal development behind them. Many are psychotherapists themselves. They often find The Crucible reaches places that other modalities couldn't access. Prior work isn't a barrier, it's a foundation.
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Absolutely. You don't need to be out to anyone else — only willing to be honest with yourself. Many men come to this work precisely because they're navigating the tension between their inner truth and their outer life.
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Sessions vary depending on where you are in the program. Some are inquiry-based conversations, others involve somatic breathwork, guided visualization, or deep journalwork. Each session is tailored to you — there's no rigid script, only a map and a skilled guide.
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The recommended pace is 7–10 weeks, with sessions ranging from 60–90 minutes. Between sessions, you'll have light practices, journalwork, and optional voice message support to keep the momentum alive.
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Access matters deeply to me. Payment plans are always available, and a small number of adjusted-rate spots are offered each year. If finances are the only thing standing between you and this work, reach out — there may be a way to make it work.
If you felt a spark, the fire is lit.
Step in when you're ready.
Complete the form below and Jonathan will be in touch to schedule a free Discovery Call.
No pressure, just a conversation.